Artist: Plumb
Album: Blink
Song: In My Arms

I showered real quick, we gathered a few loose items like pillows, bathrobes, etc., told Mom we were heading out, and then we headed out. The usual 15 minute drive only took 10 because there was no traffic. The ride was pretty mild, as contractions only lasted about 10-20 seconds and weren’t that painful yet. We got to the hospital at 6:00 am and went up to Labor and Delivery where they tested me to make sure my water was really leaking. It was.

I didn’t get an epidural right away. I tried to stick it out for as long as possible because it slows down the labor process, and I wanted a 4th of July baby. However, I didn’t last long. We got to the hospital at 6:00 and I asked for an epidural around 8 or 9:00.

Needles don’t make me nervous, but this was one big ass needle, and they were putting it into my spine! Miles held my hand. I felt a slight burning sensation, and then it went numb. This is to say, I felt no pain, but I could still feel the pressure of the guy’s fingers pressing hard against the bones of my spine while he inserted the catheter. I think the idea of getting stabbed in the spine with a giant needle is  a lot worse than the actual event. It was over very soon, and any discomfort I felt was totally worth it when I realized I couldn’t even tell when I was having a contraction because the pain was gone.

Pain is not a huge par of the labor and delivery process, but I could still feel some pressure in my lower back and groin area and the baby fell lower and lower. Every time the pressure built to an uncomfortable level, I could push a handy little button that shoots an extra dose of pain killer into my system. Nice.

The next several hours passed amazingly fast. Miles and I watched Firefly and texted all our friends and family to tell them what was happening. I didn’t sleep at all, but I dozed quite a bit. That’s probably why the day went by so fast. It must have been pretty slow going for Miles who had to sit in a chair and entertain himself for 16 hours.

Every few hours my nurse would come in to check my cervix and see how far dilated and effaced I was. Honestly, I thought the indecent exposure of this whole affair would be unbearable, but because I couldn’t feel anything it was really easy for me to just look away and go to my happy place: backstage at U2’s concert with an unlimited supply of sunkist and sushi.

I was connected to a few heart monitors, but Jade’s heartbeat was erratic and they were having trouble tracking it. She has an arrhythmia, which the doctors say will go away within a few days or weeks. So in order to better track her heartbeat, they took this tube thingy with a wire on the end of it and shoved it up you know where to attach to baby’s head. Well, apparently my water hadn’t broken all the way, because as soon as the tube went in a bunch of fluid came gushing out. And it was green. That means Jade pooped inside me and is now at risk for infection. The only difference this makes in the delivery process is, instead of giving her to me directly after birth, a special team has to take her away and give her shots and stuff to keep her from getting infected. I had no problem with this whatsoever. Honestly, I didn’t want the first sight of my baby to be her covered in blood and goo and screaming her head off. I wanted them to clean her and give her to me wrapped up in a blanket like a special present. Which is exactly what ended up happening.

The day got later and later and Dr. Parker was in and out checking on me. When I finally reached 10 cm Miles called my parents. Jade’s position was slightly slanted, so the doctor had to turn her so she was completely face down. Then the pushing process began, which lasted about 90 minutes. It wasn’t painful, just exhausting. Between each set of pushes, I had to lay back with my eyes closed while Miles spoon-fed me ice chips. Miles was a very calming presence, helping me count out the seconds and offering supportive feedback. He knew when to talk and when to shut up.

After 90 minutes of strenuous pushing, Dr. Parker came in and gave me two options: a) I could push for another hour and hope she comes out soon, or b) he could assist my baby with forceps. Now, forceps are the size of golf clubs, and I wasn’t looking forward to the experience. However, the man has delivered over 7,000 babies. He knows what he’s doing, so who am I to argue? Just before the forceps went in, the epidural guy comes back in to give me an extra powerful dose. Fifteen minutes later, out pops my baby girl!

Once baby was out I started to cry hysterically. I’m done! I’m done! I heard my baby cry and that made me cry even harder. When you hear babies cry, all you hear is the noise. You don’t identify with any kind of voice. But I could hear the voice behind my baby’s cry, and it was adorable. Jade Lynn Hillier was born on July 4th at 9:58 pm, weighing 8 lbs 4 oz and measuring 21.5 inches long. She has  a beautiful head of dark brown hair and the customary deep blue newborn eyes. I’m sure they will turn brown in time.

The rest of the night was a blur, and frankly, one that I would just as soon forget about. I was taken to another room where my nurses lavished me with orange soda (Fanta, but better than nothing). I got two little tears during the delivery which the doctor stitched up. When the epidural started to wear off they gave me percocet. The nurses started pushing on my abdomen to get out all the excess blood. Apparently I lost a dangerous amount of blood. I was lucky to have a very chill doctor who never let on that I was in a risky situation. They had to pump two units of blood back into my system to get me back to a normal level.

As a whole, delivery wasn’t so bad. It’s recovery that sucks. Immediately following the birth my body went into shock and I got the “baby shakes” where my body shook uncontrollably for nearly two hours. I couldn’t get out of bed or use the bathroom on my own for the rest of the night and most of the next day. Nurses heloped me use the bathroom the first couple time, then Miles took over. Nurses were in and out of the room all night, doing tests, drawing blood, giving me shots and all kinds of pills, changing sheet after bloody sheet. It was most definitely the worst night of my life. The next night was no better. Or the night after that.

Despite all that, I love my baby girl! I can’t say that I had an immediate love connection with her the first time I saw her, but I love her more every day. God blessed me with incredible stamina so I can stay up night after night after night with little to no sleep. It’s a rotten deal, but I’m just trying to survive handling a newborn until it’s time to survive handling a toddler.

My mom has been a huge help, taking shifts at night to watch her when Miles and I have simply reached out limits. She feed her, changes, watches her, all while trying to take care of me and keep her house clean. I don’t know what I’d do without her.

Parenthood. The land of no sleep. Love you, Jade.